 |
(Humor at Sea) ni
Dodong Marino,
MV Buenavista |
PARI
Parishioner: Padre may nakasampay na duster, bra
at T-back sa kumbento, may asawa na ba kayo?
Pari: Hay... kung aasa ako sa koleksiyon ninyo
walang mangyayari sa akin. Kaya tumanggap na lang ako ng labada.
ANG BANIG
Phong: Bili na kayo ng banig!
Phing: Ano ba ‘yan, single o double?
Phong: Single ho, pero may double din.
Phing: Sana family size, sampu kasi
kami eh!
Phong: Puweding pampamilya,
Phing: Kasya kayong lahat dito, basta tatayo lang
kayong matutulog.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Narrator: Mayroong isang bata nag-nanakaw
ng mangga sa isang bakuran. Tamang-tama dumaan ang isang pari, kaya kitang-kita
niya ang bata sa ginagawa niya.
Pari: (tinawag ng pari ang bata.) Psst, halika
ka nga.
Bata: (takot na takot) Hindi na po ako uulit,
peks man. Maawa kayo sa akin. Huwag po ninyo ako isusumbong.
Pari: (pabulong) Huwag kang maingay. Ilan ba ang
nakuha mo? Sumama ka sa akin. Akin ang bagoong!
Bata: Ha?
AKALA KO IKAW
Wife: Hon, pinatungan ako ng magnanakaw
kagabi.
Husband: Bakit hindi ka sumigaw?
Wife: Kala ko nga ikaw yun, pero nuong maka-dalawa
siya, alam ko agad na hindi ikaw.
PAGTATANIM
Titser: Ang aralin natin ngayon ay tungkol
sa pagtatanim. Children, nagdala ba kayo ng buto?
Pong: Yes, Ma’am. Heto ang dala ko, bigay
ng nanay ko, buto ng talong.
Phing: Ako ma’am, buto ng mangga.
Titser: Ikaw, Loloy, ano ang dala mong buto?
Loloy: Ma’am, buto po ng manok.
 ERAP
ERAP: Please give this check
to DSWD. That’s for my charitable donation.
SECRETARY: Sir. you haven’t
signed it.
ERAP: I purposely did it
because I want to be anonymous.
STUDENTS
Teacher: We are the descendants
of Adam and Eve.
Student: That’s not true
ma’am. My father said we are the descendants of apes.
Teacher: We are not talking
about your family.
THE MANAGER
The manager and his secretary went
to a hotel. When they approached the bed, the manager asked his secretary.
Manager: How do you want
me to treat you, as a wife or as a secretary?
Secretary: As your wife.
Manager: Good night!
TAKIP SA MUKHA
Boy: Pareng Noy, bakit ba ang mga doktor ay may
takip sa mukha kapag sila ay may inooperahan?
Noy: Kasi, kung mamatay man ang pasyente ay hindi
sila makilala
TREE
Anak: Tay, anong English
ng kahoy?
Tatay: Wood
Anak: Tay, ang sabi ng titser
namin tree.
Tatay: Ah.... yan kung tatlong
piraso.
| ‘Telling a lie is a FAULT for a boy, an ART for a lover, an ACCOMPLISHMENT
for a bachelor and a MATTER OF SURVIVAL for a married men.’ |
ADAM & EVE
One day in the garden of Eden:
Eve: Adam, do you
really love me?
Adam: Not really.
Eve: Then why did
you make love to me?
Adam: Hellooo, as
if i had a choice nohhhh!
 ANG
PROBINSIYANO
Isang probinsiyano ang pumunta sa siyudad at nag check-in
sa hotel.
Probinsiyano: Huwag mo akong lokohin totoy. mahal
ang binayad ko para sa kwarto ko tapos dalhin mo ako sa isang maliit na
kwarto na walang bintana.
Bellboy: Sir, elevator po ito!
 SA
MOTEL DIN
Anak: Nay, bakit Victoria ang pangalan ni
ate?
Ina: Kasi sa motel siya namin ginawa.
Anak: Eh, si kuya, Anito?
Ina: Sa motel din.
Anak: Eh, ako?
Ina: Ay naku Sarao matulog ka na.
MGA DRIVERS
Driver 1: Pare, alam mo bang dalawampu’t limang
taon na akong nagmamaneho pero ni minsa’y hindi pa ako nasira sa mga pasahero
ko!
Driver 2: Talaga, pero wala ‘yan sa akin, ako
magtatatlumpung taon na sa pagmamaneho ay ni isang pasahero ay walang nagrereklamo
sa akin!
Driver 1: Kahit, isa wala? Ano bang minamaheho
mo?
Driver 2: Karo ng patay!
Driver 1: Ngee!!!!
NALUNOK
Pong: Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken
bone!
Doctor: Is it choking?
Pong: No doctor. It’s Max!
Doctor: I said, are you choking.
Pong: No doc, I’m serious. |
|
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Want to play
basketball while in Rotterdam?
Filipino Seafarers who want
to play basketball on Sundays in Rotterdam, please contact Doming Malaloan
at Tel. No.: 010-463635 or International Seamen's Centre, Heijplaat, Rotterdam,
Tel. No.: 4290702 |
THE
SEAMAN’S CHURCH INSTITUTE OF NY & NJ
International Seafarers’
Center
118 Export Street, Port
Newark,
New Jersey 07114
TELEPHONE (973) 589-5828
FAX (973) 8565
WE WELCOME YOU!
– MON - FRI 8:30 AM to10
PM
– SATURDAY 4 to10 PM
– SUNDAY 4 to 10 PM
Free Transportation to the
center / Worship service, prayer meetings, and counseling is provided aboard
ship by request, and the Mariner’s Chapel / Cross & Anchor calling
cards – low rates for domestic and international calls ($10 and $20 cards
available) / Books, Bibles, magazines, religious materials, trucker resources,
and used clothing / Postal services (U.S. mail, priority / express mail,
Fedex) available / Money orders and money gram services to all countries
/ Cash remittance to the Philippines / Internet access, email services,
faxes / Sports & Entertainment–large screen TV, ping pong, darts, billiards,
soccer, basketball, and video games / Fitness Center / Shower–no charge
for seafarers / Gift Shop–candy, greeting cards, soda, souvenirs, health
and beauty products, clothing / New Jersey Gardens–the largest outlet mall
in NJ just 15 minutes away / Bus service is available / Balikbayan box
shopping, UPS / Restaurant / Bar–Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Serving the ports of Newark,
Elizabeth, Jersey City, Bayonne, Port Reading, Kearny, Linden, Carteret,
Perth Amboy, Staten Island, and Brooklyn |
|
